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I love to read in my spare time. Since I am working full-time at the moment, I am not plowing through quite as many books as in the past. But, I couldn’t resist that opportunity to be part of the Book Tour for Edger by David Beem.
Read on for more information on the book, an excerpt, and how to enter the giveaway. When I finish reading my copy, I’ll be back with a review!
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Edger by David Beem
His superpower: the ability to channel the Collective Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living and the dead. In his arsenal are the skills of Bruce Lee, the strength of Samson, the wisdom of the ages…and the dancing chops of Michael Jackson—including that one twisty foot move, crotch grab, and fedora tilt.
But there’s a catch…
Like every psychic superpower to get administered through a hypodermic needle, this one comes with a prick. Someone seems to have misplaced the booster necessary for stabilizing his superpower. Without it, Edger has three days before his brain turns to pudding.
Join our Dork of Destiny as he overcomes the world’s greatest butt, two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle, rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter!
David Beem enjoys superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. Help actualize David’s inner confidence. Visit his website today, and buy all the stuff.
Excerpt from Edger by David Beem
Cow Abduction at the Cluck-n-Pray
“Welcome to Cluck-n-Pray. May I take your order?”
“I’m sorry,” she says. “Can you say that again?”
“Consuelo? Is that you?”
Static blares into her headset, followed by the earsplitting commotion of what could be a skydiver butt dialing at thirty-thousand feet. She rips the headset off, leans on her creaking stool, and peers back into the restaurant, scanning for Brad. An elbow sticks out from behind the splatter wall blocking the fry machine. The telltale creased short sleeve, pressed just so through copious amounts of starch and ironing, is the giveaway.
“Hey, Brad!” she yells. “Consuelo’s at the drive-through again.”
“God bless it,” Brad murmurs, his head now sticking out from behind the splatter wall as he shovels an order of Cheezin’ Spiced Fries into a carton. “Mathew! Go grab Consuelo, please.”
“Where do you want me to take him?” says Mathew, grinning, his hand on Consuelo’s arm at register two.
“What I do now?” asks Consuelo, hurt.
Brad turns and faces her, his eyebrows lowering and head ticking to the side in confusion. She frowns. Tentatively, she puts the headset back on, which tangles in her hair and tugs slightly before she manages to get situated. She taps the microphone, then pulls it closer to her mouth. “Hello? Is somebody there?”
“See you later, suck-ahs!”
Tires squeal. A horn blares. She thrusts her head out the to-go window. A mustard-yellow Hummer towing a livestock trailer bounces right over the curb. Her eyes widen; a cow—their cow—is loaded into the trailer. A drawn-out moo fills the parking lot before fading away.
“They’re getting away with our cow,” she says, cracking her head as she jerks it in from the to-go window. “Brad! Brad!”
“Spawn of Satan!” Brad yells, throwing down a carton of Cheezin’ Spiced Fries and charging out the front door. She races after him, blinking back spots and rubbing the knot on her head furiously, her heart pounding. Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John follow. Followed by Consuelo.
From the parking lot, they watch, stupefied, as the Hummer, horn blaring, weaves through oncoming traffic before cutting into the correct, southbound lane. The driver’s-side window powers down, and the driver’s face is clearly visible for a split second. That’s all any of them need to instantly recognize the man who has come to personify all that is unholy in intra-store rivalry at the Cluck-n-Pray.
Judas S. Carryout.
A fist shoots out the window, middle finger at full mast.
“Judas!” screams Brad, spittle flying. “You…you Judas!”
The Hummer swerves around the corner and disappears down El Cajon Boulevard. Her heart is thundering in her chest. Her hands ball into fists. Judas S. Carryout and the Mission Gorge Cluck-n-Pray. Those guys are straight-up dicks.
“Oh it is on,” she says, fuming. “It is so on.”
Edger by David Beem Giveaway!
Enter to win a $75 Amazon GC. Enter the form to win. Open to everyone that can get an Amazon GC 18+